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Giygas
thebadhatter
NeroTheDarklord
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    Maledictum Insania

    NeroTheDarklord
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    • Post n°1

    Maledictum Insania Empty Maledictum Insania

    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-09-29, 09:14

    Maledictum Insania MaledictumInsania_redo

    After long last, I can now proudly present my mlp:fim fanfiction.
    It is a very dark and gruesome story, telling about the secret horrors luring in the shadows of Equestria.
    An until today barely known race of ponies finally gets dragged out of the dark and presented to ponykind with my OC named Obsidian Shards as one of the main characters.

    EDIT: You can find all Chapters I release on one page!
    Visit http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1362/Maledictum-Insania
    Just make sure you have mature content enabled.

    If you prefer google docs:

    Introduction: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-RBxcO_pz9-42z4i-oxUf9L_yhl-OxXxzti4Yv3wPAY/edit?hl=en_US
    Right Colors: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OSB3ZyUNDB3zUgOZuLUO4xDrG1qKcJg60jibwwStVco/edit?hl=en_US
    Fangs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1f8aQnlMvz5wrGh0NHatdXTOvVU5GfItp9_h658tXRq8/edit

    Official Fan Art:

    By Ashley Culbreth
    Spoiler:


    Last edited by NeroTheDarklord on 2011-11-06, 08:13; edited 7 times in total
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    thebadhatter
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    • Post n°2

    Maledictum Insania Empty Re: Maledictum Insania

    Post by thebadhatter 2011-09-29, 09:24

    Way too many ellipses, nearly all of them could be replaced with commas. Lots of ellipses just seem... really weird. /irony

    I kid, they're OK in moderation but because they create such massive pauses using them more than sparingly is too much
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    NeroTheDarklord
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    • Post n°3

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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-09-29, 09:28

    thebadhatter wrote:Way too many ellipses, nearly all of them could be replaced with commas. Lots of ellipses just seem... really weird. /irony

    I kid, they're OK in moderation but because they create such massive pauses using them more than sparingly is too much

    Its my first actual story i ever published. Ill try to improve. What do you recommend me to do?
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    Giygas
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    Post by Giygas 2011-10-02, 10:02

    Read it till Chapter 9 for now. Oh I can kinda see your personality in Obsidian Shards.
    Also there was one moment which made me burst into an evil laugh that satisfied me.
    It's about a Unicorn everypony/-brony hates.
    Seriously don't open and read this if you don't wanna be spoiled!:

    Well can't wait to continue reading, but for now I'm just too tired.
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    Maledictum Insania Empty Re: Maledictum Insania

    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-10-05, 06:33

    Ok forget about it.
    This story is not going to be any decent.
    Ill just end it here.

    EDIT: Forget about this post.


    Last edited by NeroTheDarklord on 2011-11-04, 11:22; edited 1 time in total
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    jenius20
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    Post by jenius20 2011-10-05, 08:07

    aww dont give up man its good i will finish reading it even tho i have never seen a single cartoon with ponies before Smile
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    • Post n°7

    Maledictum Insania Empty Re: Maledictum Insania

    Post by Giygas 2011-10-05, 08:29

    jenius20 wrote:aww dont give up man its good i will finish reading it even tho i have never seen a single cartoon with ponies before Smile

    You should do! Right this instance! I'mma gonna make you a brony, resistance is futile!
    Here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAM9C_Ik_QU

    NeroTheDarklord wrote:Ok forget about it.
    This story is not going to be any decent.
    Ill just end it here.

    Aw, that's sad bro. I really liked it. Especially the part of Trixie dying in a fire!
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    Maledictum Insania Empty Re: Maledictum Insania

    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-10-05, 09:25

    Its gonna be a hell of efford to get it right. I recived some pretty hard critics from both equestria daily and ponychan.
    Im in a situation where its hard to save it... and so far i dont really see if the efford is worth it.

    EDIT: Forget about this post aswell.


    Last edited by NeroTheDarklord on 2011-11-04, 11:22; edited 1 time in total
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    thebadhatter
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    • Post n°9

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    Post by thebadhatter 2011-10-05, 09:27

    The harsher the critique, the greater the improvement, my good fellow. It's a learning curve.

    Also *effort
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    • Post n°10

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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-10-05, 09:34

    I suppose so. But right now, im pretty demotivated.
    I started reconstructing my fanfiction so right now it is a bit of a mess.
    Getting all the suggestions in order is particulary difficult to pull off.
    What i do have most problems with is that i get bad comments because this is a pretty gory story.
    Gore is am important part of my fanfiction to display all the awful things happening and to act as a basis to explain why ponies often go crazy in it.
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    aapl2
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    • Post n°11

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    Post by aapl2 2011-10-05, 14:56

    i dont like ponys.

    keep up the good work nero.
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    • Post n°12

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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-10-07, 22:44

    Ok i really was wavering about my fanfiction. But you know, i think it is just too good to let it end here like this. Haters gonna hate and there will always be people you can not please, but im pretty sure i will have a lot of fans aswell.
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    Giygas
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    • Post n°13

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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-02, 10:11

    Bump

    I'm surprised Nero didn't post it himself yet. But Nero released the second part of Maledictum Insania on 31th Oct.
    http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1362/2/Maledictum-Insania/Right-Colors

    I'm supporting his FanFic so I just bumped this.
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    • Post n°14

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    Post by jenius20 2011-11-02, 11:02

    im going to read it now
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    Mudkip0930
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    • Post n°15

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    Post by Mudkip0930 2011-11-02, 11:57

    MAKE MORE MAKE MORE MAKE MORE MAKE MORE MAKE MORE MAKE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it
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    • Post n°16

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    Post by Monstaboi 2011-11-02, 12:14

    As i read i thought of suggestions and corrections. writing them down here, and i'm gonna seem like a total dick here. >.> but remember, this is just what i think and you dont have to do anything with it you dont want to.
    “Shhh. The speech is not over yet.” whispered Applejack. The mares turned back to the stage where the mayor continued her speech.
    Change is not to aint, make it more AJ.
    “And I will throw the party at Sugarcube Corner!” yelled out Pinkie, half singing and jumping around in excitement.
    I'd change i will to i'll, would speed up this dialogue a bit.
    It was quite again. Suspiciously quite.
    Did you mean quiet?
    It was just too... emberassing.
    Embarrassing? seems like you got really into the writing and sped up lots Razz
    i only got to the point right before obsidian tells his story, but so far i liked it, keep up the hood work!
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    • Post n°17

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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-03, 01:22

    I'll tell you why I didn't post an update.
    I thought the story did not really get any support from this forum. Had no idea people actualy had demand here, too.
    I guess I was proven wrong.

    By the way Monstaboi, thanks for the fixes! My english is good, but not perfect. Any help is gladly welcome.
    Since you guys seem to like what im doing, ill keep posting updates from now on.

    Honestly, the guys from Equestria Daily are a bunch of idiots! I even get Fan Art for my story! It's slowly becoming famous and I get tons of positive feedback!
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    • Post n°18

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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-03, 03:57

    NeroTheDarklord wrote: I even get Fan Art for my story!

    Show 'em the Obsidian Shards Fan Art :3
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    • Post n°19

    Maledictum Insania Empty Re: Maledictum Insania

    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-03, 04:13

    Giygas wrote:
    NeroTheDarklord wrote: I even get Fan Art for my story!

    Show 'em the Obsidian Shards Fan Art :3
    yer slo, bro.
    Check out the first page.
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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-03, 04:16

    Well if you don't mention that the first post has been edited I can't know that. I always use that orange square to directly jump to the latest post so I didn't see it.
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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-03, 04:20

    Giygas wrote:Well if you don't mention that the first post has been edited I can't know that. I always use that orange square to directly jump to the latest post so I didn't see it.

    *cough*

    The first post has been edited. It now contains the cover image, google doc links to part 1 and 2, aswell as a link to fimfiction.net, where you can easily see all the updates and changes all at once. At the bottom of the first post, i will release fan art and spoiler images created by me.


    Last edited by NeroTheDarklord on 2011-11-04, 11:29; edited 1 time in total
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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-03, 04:28

    NeroTheDarklord wrote:

    *cough*

    The first post has been edited. It know contains the cover image, google doc links to part 1 and 2, aswell as a link to fimfiction.net, where you can easily see all the updates and changes all at once. At the bottom of the first post, i will release fan art and spoiler images created by me.

    Spoiler:
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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-03, 04:30

    Giygas wrote:
    Spoiler:

    Spoiler:
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    Post by Monstaboi 2011-11-03, 09:42

    NeroTheDarklord wrote:I'll tell you why I didn't post an update.
    I thought the story did not really get any support from this forum. Had no idea people actualy had demand here, too.
    I guess I was proven wrong.

    By the way Monstaboi, thanks for the fixes! My english is good, but not perfect. Any help is gladly welcome.
    Since you guys seem to like what im doing, ill keep posting updates from now on.

    Honestly, the guys from Equestria Daily are a bunch of idiots! I even get Fan Art for my story! It's slowly becoming famous and I get tons of positive feedback!
    good to know it's constructive, as i get the time to go on i guess i'll keep writing down what i notice.
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    Post by jenius20 2011-11-03, 09:58

    Nero, I just read the first part, and im glad to say its very gripping so far. I like it soo much that i want to first actually no who everyone is (its a fan fic right? Lol) Well i would be very glad if you sent me a link to the first episode/tell me why you guys all love it Razz. Keep up the good work, and dont give up.
    P.S my internet died this morning sorry :S
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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-03, 10:07

    jenius20 wrote:Well i would be very glad if you sent me a link to the first episode/tell me why you guys all love it Razz.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAM9C_Ik_QU
    Season 1 Episode 1


    Why I love it:

    - Good Animation
    - Funny
    - The Memes about it.
    - The Fandom (Bronies/Pegasisters) being awesome.
    - Fluttershy's cuteness, just can't resist it.


    The Virus spreads, nothing can stop it!
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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-04, 11:49

    jenius20 wrote:tell me why you guys all love it

    Ive seen a lot of bullshit in TV. German TV is no bit better than american sometimes. We all got the same cheesy cartoons. But MLP:FiM is different. This one is actualy very well made. It tells you things about friendship which I believe even many adults dont know. It feels like you can relate to every character in this story in one way or the other. There is not a single one you are going to hate, unless your a neurotic hater or you got traumatic childhood exeriences about certain topics........... or you read cupcakes Twisted Evil

    This cartoon features so much. It can cheer you up, no matter how down you are. It acts as a happy pill for many. For me personaly, it also acts as a source of inspiration. Ive always been into mythological things. I pretty much know the entire norse mythology by hand (thanks to ragnarok online mostly lol! ). Im also pretty much a dragon addict, so surely the cartoon gets a huge bonus point for spike. But there is one thing I am positive is the best about this cartoon... or rather one pony.

    Maledictum Insania Flutterspike4
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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-05, 03:05

    NeroTheDarklord wrote:There is not a single one you are going to hate...

    Well, that statement is not quite true... all I can say.. or show is:

    Maledictum Insania Yee
    Her name is Trixe and she often calls herself "The Great and Powerful" Trixie due to her "amazing" magical talent. Just an FYI for the non-bronies which might be reading this post.

    I hate her... as already mentioned in an earlier post I believe.
    Can't wait to backstab the shit out of her once she has been fully released for the Saxton Hale gamemode on tf2!

    This is also one of the reasons why I like your FanFic bro, because she dies in it! Twisted Evil



    Also daaawwwwww at the fluttershy gif there. yay
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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-05, 04:19

    Talking about Trixie... I just completed Chapter 5: Fangs.
    I will pre-release it here on the first post. It still needs test reading... actualy... right colors aswell still needs test reading... anyway, i will give this community the advantage of beeing the first to read the next chapter. It is not 100% compelte yet, since tomorrow we will have a new episode of season 2. If new things get added that require me to change something to make it accurate with the cartoon, i will do so.
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    Post by Giygas 2011-11-05, 04:56

    Oh yeah, which episode was it again? "Cutie Pox"? Hang on i'll check...


    "Sisterhooves Social"...? "Sweetie Belle is upset when her sister Rarity refuses to participate in a rough and tumble celebration of sisterly unity."

    Sweetie Belle/Rarity episode.. I'm not too excited...


    Anyway, back on track, a new character appears in this chapter. "Odd Cirs". Who is he? What is he going to do? I know who it is but I ain't gonna spoil it. *Problem?*
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    Post by NeroTheDarklord 2011-11-06, 06:22

    Alright. The latest episode is released. That changed quite a lot of knowledge of the background characters. But it solved the issue for me that fans believed dinky is ditzy's sister/daugther. That surely will help me out.

    Now i only need someone to help me fix grammar and illogical issues on chapter 5 and its released.
    Screw this, it's official now.
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