The Adventure(Warning: Bad story :P)

----->Chapter 1: Encounters<----- Written by: UrMomsMoat

It was a long day at work, I thought as I wiped the sweat off my head. It was a tough day at work, ut I managed to get what I needed to survive. Ever since that catastrophe In New York, I have been alone. I have been struggling to live. I nimbly climbed out of the hole I was in, and headed to my warehouse where I store my pickaxes and items to work with. I carefully placed the tools on their shelves, and locked the doors. I then headed towards home. It was a very hot and tiresome day today, I thought. As I was walking home, I spotted something in the corner of my eye, it seemed to glisten in this dark and lonely night. I almost automatically thought that It was someone else. I quickly shuffled to the location where the object lay, untouched by man or monster for some years now. but to my amazement, It wasn't just one single item; It was an entire pack of items to survive. It included a Compass, a Sword, and a Bucket of Water, which came with some food. I hurriedly gathered the items into the backpack that lay next to the items, and slung it over my shoulder. I was shocked by the amount of weight this bag was, I found myself cursing under my breath due to the pure pressure of weight.

As I was walking, I tripped over a rock, It was a rock of fair size,
"Shit!" I exclaimed as the bag pounded me on the leg as I continued to fall. I hit the ground hard, and felt a sickening snap near the location of my ankle. I looked over at my ankle, And saw that it was facing a different direction that It was supposed to face. I felt my face drop, and fear shot through my entire body. "I cant get injured now!" I yelled, knowing that I was the only one alive No one could hear me scream. I tried to get up, I grabbed the bag, and slung it over my shoulder again. I reached my hand into the bag, and pulled out the sword. I turned the sword over and tried to use it as a Crutch. I looked at my hand again, which had beads of sweat. My hand almost certainly slipped, and I felt my self fall yet again, but this time the butt of the sword Impaled me in the stomach.

I felt the breath leave my lungs, I couldn't breathe! I found myself laying on the ground, face first unable to move. Pain shot through my body, as well as fear. They both mixed to create a terrible feeling that no man should ever feel. I tried to move my arm, but It did not respond.
"My body is paralyzed due to the am-" I found myself stopping in the middle of my words, to see that there, 50 feet in front of me stands a Grizzly Bear. His dark, brown fur seemed to blow in the Wind. He stuck his head up and sniffed the air. I reached for the sword, and held it firmly in my hands. "Come towards me, and you're fucked Bear. I'll chop your legs off." I said under my breath, still struggling to regain my breath.

The bear turned his head towards me. I froze in fear. "What do you want? Go away!" I yelled, Which I found was not a very smart thing to do. The bear lowered his head, and started to run at me. My body seemed to react in an instant. I grabbed the sword and held it in a attacking position towards the bear. He lifted a foot, and took a swipe at me. the Claw hit my back, And I screamed. I felt the flesh tear, and blood ooze from my body. I then Brought all my strength together, lifted my sword, and Swung at the bear. I heard a sickening sound as the sword cut through tissue and bone. The bear was groaning in pain, and so was I.

I felt myself losing consciousness, My heart was beating fast. I felt sweat drip down my face; My eyes were closing. "No!" I screamed "I cannot die here!" Though, there was nothing to do about it. My body was in shock, and I was fading away. Before my eyes closed, I saw a shady figure walking slowly towards me..The figure seemed to be able to speak, I thought. The mysterious figure spoke, and said "This Isn't the place for the weak, but you are a very brave man to still be walking this earth.."
My eyes closed, and I lost consciousness.

This was just an idea due to boredom.

Notes: The story seems a bit fast paced. Id like some positive feedback for this. If you want me to continue, please tell me. I only writ up this sample is because I really felt like writing an adventure story. I've also noticed that i need to add more detail to the story, along with a better story line.
Notes: Just proof read, fixed capitalization errors badhatter suggested. Please note this is my first time, so try not to be to harsh

You're capitalising completely random words, then leaving things like "New York" uncapitalised :0 Might wanna proof read that again mah freund.

You also don't need hyphons in words like "warehouse" and "unable".

There's a sentence where you use a comma instead of a full stop.

I think you're overstating some things. When you say "the breath left my lungs" or something like that, you don't need to say that it "exited your mouth". That is generally assumed, because unless you can exhale through your ass the air isn't going to leave in any other direction.

It's "losing" as opposed to "loosing"

"that there; 50 feet in front" The semicolon should be a comma here I think.

You put a paragraph break halfway through a sentence.

You did't use an apostrophe in "I'll".

"I grabbed the sword and held it in a position which would block a blow, and also send a blow to the bear" Wouldn't it be easier to just state what position the sword was held in? Is it even possible to block a swipe from a bear at all, let alone simultaneously stab/slash it? Also, I would have thought you'd have to swing pretty fucking hard to chop off a limb, so I find it hard to believe that your protagonist did so without realising.

Also still things like "WareHouse", "But" and "Body" incorrectly capitalised. I don't mean to come off harsh or nuthan, just saying what I think can be improved and whatknot. I edited the previous one a couple times if you didn't see.

Also, the figure at the end says "weak and nimble" but they're quite contrasting characteristics I would have thought, with 'weak' being negative but 'nimble' actually being a valuable/positive trait to have?

thebadhatter wrote:Also still things like "WareHouse", "But" and "Body" incorrectly capitalised. I don't mean to come off harsh or nuthan, just saying what I think can be improved and whatknot. I edited the previous one a couple times if you didn't see.

Also, the figure at the end says "weak and nimble" but they're quite contrasting characteristics I would have thought, with 'weak' being negative but 'nimble' actually being a valuable/positive trait to have?

I found it important to portray the character In a negative, but also positive view as you had just stated.

That's fine, but why would the shady figure criticise a positive aspect?

thebadhatter wrote:That's fine, but why would the shady figure criticise a positive aspect?

It's hard to explain that. If you've ever seen kung-fu movies They sometimes criticize Negative aspects, but then notice that they have a lot of potential in a positive trait.
That part doesnt really make sense, Ill fix it really quick.